Self-Justification8 October 2021
‘Justifying ourselves, following our own opinion and satisfying our own will are the progeny of ungodly pride’ (Abba Dorotheos).
When we’re accused of something, our first reaction is to defend ourselves. To explain why it’s not like that, even if it is. And that doesn’t apply only to the youngest any more. Grown-ups are lacking in backbone in that, even if the reality is clear, we still try to justify ourselves. ‘I’m human, what can I do?’; ‘I’m at fault but…’; ‘Circumstances are to blame’. Particularly nowadays, when the antidote is to interpret everything, with the emphasis on the psychological method, which is that in order to feel better I have to examine why something’s happened to me and how I can deal with it. This is after I’ve forgotten that the real antidote for every ailment is humility, provided, of course, it’s accompanied by repentance.
We now lack both of these. As if it’s demeaning to make a mistake. As if we lay claim to a justification for our opinion and our will. How can the message of Church life work in our soul: the message that, in order to find your self, you must first lose it? That, rather than blaming others for your own wrongdoing, or saying that they do the same but worse and thus finding a justification, you can instead find solace in the feeling that it’s human to err. Circumstances, other people, our family environment, our upbringing and our experiences have obviously played a role in our inability to see ourselves and others properly. But there’s no solace if we don’t acknowledge, without reservation, the responsibility to accept and to change.
The tradition of our Church sees our relationship with God as being that of Father and children. Each of us has the need for the same relationship with our neighbor and especially with the people who are closest to us. Some of us are called upon to undertake the role of father before we’re ready. Because being a father means taking the decision to really look at ourselves, to embark on a course of rebirth which will transfigure us. We can’t hide ourselves and we can’t hide the truth about who we are and what we do. But since this course demands persistence in the pursuit of self-knowledge, and humility in seeing what it is that’s separating us from love, we have to struggle with ourselves, while, at the same time supporting the others we’ve been called upon to support and to accompany on the path towards the truth.
Sex is not at issue here*. Fatherhood demands decisiveness and the experience of sonship. The ego erases us in the name of freedom, autonomy, the will, and our opinion. It’s not that we have the right to be immature; it’s that it’s inevitable. Children need love. As do grown-ups. The spiritual tradition of our Church depends on the presence of a spiritual guide who will open the way to Christ, through a relationship of love, sincerity and the acceptance of the things repressed in the soul.
Those who seek justification for themselves will never be free of that tyranny. The truth, of course, doesn’t involve continual self-condemnation. It’s a matter of choice. The road passes through the relationship.